At our most recent board meeting, we had the opportunity to learn about one another through the prompt, “Why group?” The rewards of being in a group of people brought together by group are voluminous, and tracing how “group” brought us together offered a unique opportunity to get to know one another at a deeper level. Recognizing that “group” is the very reason I am here today writing this column to share with you all, I thought that I would share my “Why group?” story with you.
At this point in my life, people are often shocked to hear about how shy I was as a child. I used to moving frequently and I learned to observe first and interact later (if ever). Always being the new kid, I was often in my own head taking on the perspective of others. “What do they think of me? Why don’t I belong?” were the general themes of my internal experience. Steeped in self-consciousness, I was always monitoring myself for what I was doing or saying wrong, and I found plenty. This phase extended well beyond the “imaginary audience” phase of adolescence. I found some comfort in my intellect, solitary activities, and one-on-one interactions. Even though I was drawn to leadership, I doubted my ability to ever garner the social capital leadership typically takes.
Despite academic accolades, this was the version of me that arrived on my first day of psychology internship. My coping was largely reliant at becoming highly competent with whatever I did to hide my vulnerability. The proverbial rug got pulled out from under me that day when I was told that I would have three groups to lead that day, as would be the next day, the day after that (actually five groups that day) and so on. At this point in my training I had no training or education in group psychotherapy. I felt ill-equipped and steeped in self-doubt. It was a difficult year.
The next year I was fortunate enough to get immersive, comprehensive training in group psychotherapy while completing my postdoctoral fellowship. I’ll always remember my first training group experience. The intensity was unbelievable. However, for the first time I didn’t feel completely alone with my experience. I could see everyone else oozing with the same self-consciousness that I was oh-so-familiar with. I could see the layered social dynamics on display clearly, and I was hooked. This was real. As I gained experience with training groups, I began taking risks. Each time I was mostly convinced I would get back what I expected (“you’re too much”) and was instead met with accurate reflection.
I mean it when I say that I wouldn’t be here today serving as president-elect had it not been for group. While there is the obvious group-person-leading-a-group-society, what I really mean is that I wouldn’t be capable of leadership had it not been for these formative experiences. Currently, I am much more involved with groups on the organizational and societal level than I am with psychotherapy groups. As we navigate tumultuous social times, I am deeply appreciative of my foundations in group.
I am filled with awe as I consider the potential of all the stories that make up the society. My hope is that this year can be one of engagement. Whether you are a returning member or new, I want to see you as you are. When we are able to come as we are and unleash the power of a group of people who identity through group, there is no limit. I imagine you know that we are needed more than ever. I hope that you will sign up for a committee, submit a piece to the newsletter or journal, join us for our CE events and convention, or find another way to engage. I’d love to hear your story.