I have always thought about respect as a mutual understanding and as a basic rule of engagement with others. However, reading about Misha Bogomaz’s confusion with the word, I realize that even though when I consciously think about respect in a general manner, there are different connotations and expectations to the word depending on the context. Here is my view on some of the variations of the use of respect:
General Respect
While the Ten Commandments and several variations of religious laws based on Judaism and Christianity provide a guide into how we should behave in a way that will appease God, most provide a general guidance into how to behave with one another (e.g., honor thy father and thy mother, thou shall not murder, thou shall not commit adultery, thou shall not steal, thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor, thou shall not covet, thou shall not pass*). These laws can also be observed in early Hebrew and Mesopotamian laws. These ideas have also been conceptualized in the concepts of good and evil, as could be further explored through the Chinese philosophy of yin and yang or the Lucarian** concept of the light and dark side of the Force. However, if we were to revise the core of these philosophies, concepts and laws, wouldn’t we agree that what we are asking people for is to be respectful of each other? When you meet someone, do you not know that it would not be all right to kill them or to steal from them? Does our idea of what is right and wrong not guide the way in which we interact with others? It was Confucius that said, “Don't do unto others what you don't want done unto you.”
Hierarchal Respect
Hierarchal respect, I would argue, is a superficial kind of respect. Most types of social interactions come with a hierarchy — families, school, job, government. In a family, the parents have a position of authority over the children. At school, the children respond to their teachers, who respond to the principal, who responds to a school district or other higher authorities. This type of power differential in assigned roles allocates each member to certain conducts and expectations. While in a family the roles have been set, the parents may not necessarily carry the tools to fulfill the requirements of the children within their position. At a job, the people in higher positions might not necessarily have better preparation or knowledge than the people who answer to them. Regardless, the people in lower roles are expected to show the respect the hierarchal position requires to maintain an effective work balance. Without that respect for the position, employees might cross boundaries and the job might become convoluted to a degree that the work product might become ineffective. However, this kind of respect does not ensure that the people in lower positions will have admiration for the people that are in higher positions. This brings me to the next type of respect — earned.
Earned Respect
I have already established that there are types of respect that are necessary in a practical manner to ensure interactional harmony between humans and to allow for effectiveness in socially constructed roles. Nonetheless, there is a type of respect that is earned. Earned respect is the type we work hard to get. In gamer terms, it is an achievement unlockedopens in new window. While we may think that this type of respect comes from the things we do, it also has to do with the thing’s others find valuable. While I might believe that having written a chapter in a book and having edited two books is an achievement, a person with different values might not necessarily respect me more because of these achievements. Conversely, they might find me moving more than 3,300 miles away from home to pursue my dreams more respect-worthy in accordance to their desires to travel, see the world, move to a different place or get out of their comfort zone. While I may have things that I believe can earn the respect from others and I have worked hard for them, it is also other’s values that predict whether I earn their respect. Because of this, my expectations could come in the way of my earned respect and fall into the next type of respect.
Demanded Respect
Sometimes having knowledge, abilities and achievements may put us in a situation where we begin expecting respect from others. The demanded respect becomes an obligation forced unto others that might result in an adverse negative reaction. Respect should be something we earn, not something we are owed. The demanded respect can project itself through fear and intimidation and leaving others to feel a need to prove themselves in the eyes of the person that is demanding respect. ***
Conclusion
While my off-handed comment about promising respect might have come out as a joke and probably intended in regard to the hierarchal respect that is already established by our positions at work, the hopeful prospect would lean towards earned respect.
*This last one does not necessarily reflect a religious law, as much as a wizardous mandateopens in new window.
**See George Lucas’ Star Wars (1977).
***Speaking of projections, last bossopens in new window much?